Snowjob Debuts; Blows Job

Tony Snow, former FOX News commentator and new Bush media meister, debuted Friday in 23 chaotic minutes riddled with gaffes and apologies. Asked to critique his first Q&A session, the administration's new press secretary remarked, "It obviously at this point is just a mess."

Clearly enamored of his new digs and eager to impress his old colleagues by showing them off, "Snowjob" impulsively moved the informal morning "gaggle" to his new office. It quickly overflowed so that some old hands were barely able to hear or ask questions.

Snowjob refused to respond to questions about currency issues as consumer confidence has plummeted on two months of rising gas prices, and the stock market dove following news of how richly Bush's millionaire cronies will be rewarded by his tax cuts. (The wealthiest top 0.1% will enjoy a windfall savings of $82,000 on average. In contrast, workers earning between $27,000-$47,000 will average $20 in savings.)

There's room to wonder how well-versed Snowjob is in financial matters and fiscal affairs as he disclosed, "As a matter of fact, I was even too dopey to get in on a 401-K."

Though Snowjob could neither "confirm nor deny" the existence of the NSA's surveillance program that monitors the phone calls of millions of Americans, he was certain that the situation wouldn't affect the White House plans for winning congressional confirmation of Gen. Michael Hayden as the next CIA director.

General Hayden was director of the National Security Agency in 2001 when Bush first began his warrantless monitoring of communications between those in and outside the US.