AND TO ALL, A GOOD NIGHT
December 22, 2005
AND TO ALL, A GOOD NIGHT
A Contemporary Christmas Tale
John Chuckman
It was only a matter of time before Santa Claus himself came under the Neanderthal-eyed scrutiny of American intelligence. After all, Santa’s citizenship is unknown, and he crosses borders with no passport or other form of identification. No one knows whether he even has a valid pilot’s license.
Although his image is well known, there is no official photograph on file with American border control, and he has never been fingerprinted or body-searched. Most disconcerting of all, he delivers parcels to children all over the world, including the children living in the Axis of Evil. His intentions with this activity are not understood beyond some fuzzy generalization about kindness and generosity to all. Clearly, here was the world’s largest unplugged pipeline to potential terrorists.
It was only after receiving no response to several urgent letters from the State Department requesting an immediate meeting in Washington that a decision was made to approach Santa’s North Pole solitude. As usual in such matters with the people now running America, a wing of America’s most lethal killing machines was employed for the purpose. You never know what you might encounter in such a forbidding place.
As the planes first zoomed over the icy silence of the North Pole workshop, one of the pilots decided to swoop down for a closer look. He was one of those daring fly-boys, and his tail struck the only wire for thousands of miles around, the North Pole Telegraph, sending his plane hurling into the workshop in a ball of flames with tons of ammunition and missiles exploding.
Santa and Mrs. Claus rushed out of their snow-blanketed gingerbread house to see what was happening, trying to calm the terrified reindeer running from their stable at one end of the house. The elves, too, scurried towards the stable, trying to stop the reindeer from running or flying off.
Above, in the dark vault of sky, the other pilots observed the explosion and saw missile trails smoking into the air. They also saw the frantic activity below and quickly concluded their comrade had come under anti-aircraft attack. So they swooped down in attack formation, rapid-fire canon tearing into everything ahead of them.
Most of the reindeer fell in the snow, spurting warm blood across the bluish-white surface. Most of the elves, too, fell gasping for life. Mrs. Claus received a wound in the head and instantly fell limp. Santa tried heroically to reach his wife but realized the situation was hopeless and turned, running into the darkness accompanied by Prancer, the only surviving reindeer.
The only witness to the massacre is one surviving elf now living somewhere in Canada under an assumed identity, fearful for his life. It is only from his testimony that we know anything about Santa’s fate.
Realizing the horrific mistake they had made, the pilots dropped white phosphorus bombs with the intention of incinerating all evidence. The entire North Pole lit up and Santa and Prancer could be seen in the distance on a huge block of ice drifting off into the dark sea, the ice everywhere cracked and weakened by the combined effects of white phosphorus and years of global warming.
Within in a few hours, the beating sound of a black helicopter approached Santa and Prancer. The elf, from his hiding place in a snowdrift, could only make out intermittent sounds across the howling coldness, but it seems armed men emerged from the helicopter, shot Prancer and shackled Santa, shoving him into the dark, beating machine. The elf heard a word that sounded like Guantanamo and Santa has not been heard from since. Reports of his fate reached the International Red Cross and organizations like Amnesty International, leading to inquiries, but these have been met only with silence from American authorities.
This is the most depressing
This is the most depressing thing I've read
in a long time.
PS. Don't mess with Santa, he sacred to
millions of children.
Santa
Submarine USS Wahoo ss238
I just saw the movie Narnia, and it is very good
I recommend it.......maybe it is one fantasy
we can all keep.
I read the whole 7book series at least 10times each
when I was a kid
But Santa is a lifelong tradition.
Our kids have little enough magic left in their lives...
the Santa myths have kept children both anxious and happy for some time now. This is one of those taboos whose lines should never be crossed.
So many of our kids are no longer allowed tastes of fantasy and magic. The books that helped generations to expand their developing minds are forbidden to many. It is shameful for adults to interfere. Out of fantasy, myth, and magic comes hope...the hope that in an adult sense means a better tomorrow and improvements today.
I'll stand with Kwahlf on this one.
Thanks, Grinch. ;-)
Thanks, Grinch. ;-)
Narmia is just another name for the religious...
Bell, Book, And Candle.
Religious
Submarine USS Wahoo ss238
Thanks Grinch, you just sank my Fantasy magic myth
and hope for a better tomorrow with Narnia!!!! ha
Hey Wahoo...Merry xmas etc etc etc
and to all the others out there on your keyboards.
So long as you liked the movie, thats what is important
Wahoo...some info on the maker of Narmia...
from Buzzflash:
http://www.workingforchange.com/article.cfm?itemid=20099
The Rite of Bell, Book, and Candle is a Catholic Rite...
King James was much afraid of witches...perhaps thats why the emphasis in the KJ version of the bible.
Read about the history here:
http://www.paganpath.com/witch/topic-3-23-312-0.html
There was a great comedy film out in 1958 with some big names in comedy...thay are also mentioned on this site. After access, scroll down just a bit and start reading...it isnt very long.
Who is Santa Claus?
Who is Santa Claus? He is not as much of a myth as many of us might think!
The above link has a lot of information about Santa.
Proud member of the reality based community.
Thanks, Di.
That's a lot of info on ole' St. Nick.
Wow! Did you see the variety of people he was
patron saint to? It looks like his universal appeal
started many, many years ago.
Again, thanks for the info. It's very interesting.
;-)
I work with a Catholic
He knows all there is to know about St. Nicholas. He was a great compassionate man.
To all those who seem to
To all those who seem to have been offended by John's satirical piece, I believe that you've missed the point.
This isn't aimed at Santa Claus, St. Nick, his elves or the reindeer -- it's about the stupidity of the over-reactions of Dubya and his handlers to the 9/11 tragedy. They've whipped up such a picture of gloom and doom, and an atmosphere of fear that even Christmas and its traditions have suffered.
If the DHS went into full-scale panic over a small single-engine airplane that strayed too close to Dubya and Cheney's bunkers, just imagine how they would react to the Jolly Old Elf and his entourage.
I got his message, loud and clear.
In fact, the writing is good. I understand that this was
an extreme satire of Dubya and Co.s hysteria regarding
security and security threats.
The offense came with picking Santa as the subject. He
could have used any well known personality. St. Nick's
tie with children around the world puts him in a place
where we never want to see him hurt- even in satire.
Slaughtering Snoopy would invoke a similar response.
So, if the "subject" had
So, if the "subject" had been Jim or Golfmonkey it would have been okay?...;-)
LOL- Oh Bill,
You really know how to put me on the
spot!
No, GM and Jim are off limits, too.
;-)
Let me put it this way...
Whenever modern adults get involved with something, the effort is made to make simple things complicated(Occam's Razor no longer being taught).
For factual stuff, thats ok...only adults pay attention to the matter. But with the myths of childhood, we adults are very wrong making it complicated.
For example, consider the news stories on radio and in newspapers about NORAD tracking Santa. A lot of little minds know about missles...they know about tracking...they understand the basics of radar. They do not understand satire.
They talk to each other. They compare all the stories and the way that different families do the 'Santa' bit. The danger is that adults go too far.
Adults should not be tampering with whatever is left of the magic of childhood...as has been done in this case.
The 'wonder' years only last from shortly after two to about 6. After that, they can destory each other in vidio games and other adult pastimes...television instead of reading for example. And...of course the 'smart ass' adult people who want to intrude.
Well said, Grinch. ;-)
Well said, Grinch. ;-)
I thought that this was a
I thought that this was a place for adults, but apparently I was mistaken...;-)
To all of the little kids who were forced to read this, I personally apologize and beg your forgiveness. The bad man who wrote this nasty little ficticious story will be severely punished and made to give Santa extra milk next Christmas.
And this is my wish for Christmas: when you grow up, please vote Democratic...
NORAD
Submarine USS Wahoo ss238
Gee, if NORAD can track Santa, why couldnt they
track 4hijacked airplanes?
The last four paragraphs are beyond the pale...
even for satire.
Those are my sentiments, exactly.
The last four paragraphs are very gruesome.More attention
is spent on graphic violence than anything else.
Most of you have heard the story about the...
teacher in Lebanon, PA who disclosed that Santa was a myth to classes of 6 & 7 year olds. Here is her answer to the Lebanon Daily News:
http://www.ldnews.com/fastsearchresults/ci_3334340
Here is the thread from DU concerning this:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&add...
Look at paragraph 2. How would this apply if this(or other sub. teacher)used this thinking to expound on evolution?
Clement's poem has been a holiday tradition since it was first published.
Wow, she told 6 and 7 year
Wow, she told 6 and 7 year olds that Santa doesn't exist. She does it too pounding her chest in self righteousness.
If the nod towards sweetness is to end then let it end. Let the most brilliant minds in the world into our schools (those who created modern civilization) to expound on the insanity of what adults believe ACROSS the board.
Note the difference:
-Adults KNOW about Santa but offer their kids a little fun.
(They ask for a little leeway with friends, relatives, school teachers, etc.)
-The Teacher THINKS she knows all about God.
(She demands that others see likewise.)
Oh good grief! She's giving all
of us (subs.) a bad name! Where do they get these people?
Look, it is her job to teach the lesson plan. If the lesson plan is
to read The Night Before Christmas, then read the story and follow
with a short question/answer exercise, asking the students how they liked the
story, what they liked best, anything they would add,and assign a short writing exercise.
Lord have mercy, lady- Keep your friggin personal opinions regarding Santa the hell
away from a classroom of 6 and 7 years olds! They're not graduate philosophy students.
This lady needs some sensitivity training before she's allowed back into the classroom.
Bah, humbug!!
PS. It was good to read how many of us, from all sides of the political spectrum,
agree on this subject.
I think all American
I think all American Citizens have the right, and duty, to run up to kids in the street and tell them their parents are kidding them about Santa. Let the Religious Right do this in malls throughout the land.
By the way, what this woman is hoping for, in concert with the Religious Right, is to claim that secularism is religious. The problem of course is that parents do NOT hold the belief that Santa is real. They are simply letting their kids have a good time for a few years of early life.
Letting children have some magic, wonder
and fantasy in their lives is a good thing. Grinch covered this
subject very well.
Young people grow up very fast. They begin to question things
and want answers. When confronted with the " is Santa real?" question
from my son, I told him that the spirit of Christmas is very alive and
well, and many people call this Santa. It did not confuse him. He knew
what I was talking about.I also covered the background of St. Nicholas,
as my kid is a real history nut. We still refer to Santa as living spirit.
Main point- it's not screwing up anyone's mind. If fact, it's a source of comfort.
Theresa Rodriguez Farrisi ...Get over yourself!
To the teacher who had to spoil an innocent myth purely derived for the fun and magic of the blamelessness of small children, who stated, "I gave the children some historical background about the Santa Claus myth ...amalgamation with ancient Western pagan traditions of German..." GET OVER YOURSELF!
As is a 6 or 7 year old knows or understands, amalgamation!
Jumpin' Jehova's Witnesses, who the hell does Theresa Rodriguez Farrisi think she is?
Who, in their right mind, feels the senseless, snotty, self-deprecating need to spoil a young child's harmless fun in order to embed their haughty beliefs on little children?
What's next, the Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy, St. Valentine…?
What a malignancy to teachers in general and a maleficent attitude towards children!
"The first casualty when war comes is truth."
From several sites around the net...
Farrisi=Pharisee phonetically.
Very good Grinch
This is what my dictionary says about Pharisee:
From Old English fariseus [Farrisi] Pharisee=A hypocritically self-righteous person. It fits like a glove, doesn't it.
Proud member of the reality based community.
Just picked this up at DU...a continuation of the...
thread about the school teacher Grinch who stole the Santa Myth.(hehehe).
This latest is taken from Free Republic...where the reactions are very similar to our own. There finally appear to be some thinkers over there.
A fascinating twist on the usual. They are picking on their own mindless for a change.
Well worth a few minutes time to read and watch some rather interesting action/reaction.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1547162/posts?q=1&&page=1#1
This is interesting.Thanks
This is interesting.
Thanks for sharing this, Grinch.
Teacher controversy picks up steam...
http://www.ldnews.com/fastsearchresults/ci_3334328
She used to belong to this guy's church.
Are not these people just wonderful. To think that we are allowed to share the same planet.
Yeah Santa is a religion.
Yeah Santa is a religion.
If so, it’s the first one in which no adult actually believes. It is also the first one with an expiration date.
Why do people feel compelled to force a square peg into a round hole? I understand that in this case it is due to the Religious Right hoping to gain political ground on other issues, but come on, yelling out loud to little kids that Santa is fake.
To some, Christmas is about
To some, Christmas is about the birth of Christ. To others, the "Christmas Season" represents a throwback to other, more basic, reasons to celebrate the end of the year: winter solstice, and the coming of a New Year.
The symbols that most of the western world associate with this time of the year have their roots in far older traditions and celebrations, which pre-date Christianity. But basically, it has become a time to reflect on our blessings (and hardships), and to look forward with hope for a better future. It is a time to drop the daily routine of the ratrace, and to show some kindness and hospitality to our fellow humans.
The movie Miracle On 34th Street eloquently portrays both the message, and the meaning of the Christmas Season. Christmas Day is meaningful for Christians, but the Christmas Season is a joy to all who experience it to the maximum extent possible.
Absolutely!
Absolutely!
I can see the Religious Right pushing SANTA IS A MYTH billboard schemes and covert Teachers and feeling fully self righteous about it.
The problem of course, is that their bill boards and covert teachers are ONLY speaking to very little kids and nobody else on this “issue”.
If the Religious Right gets traction with this, with respect to claiming no religion is a religion, I hope we remind everyone that they are ONLY speaking to tiny little kids. To do this, in order to advance a different set of political goals breaks new ground yet again by those on the extreme Right.
I understand that some may feel there is a spiritual component to Santa. I simply do not want anyone under the assumption that the dopes who are doing this are engaging those adults. They are speaking to little kids alone.
If they wish to engage adults let them do so in adult venues.
My guess is that they are
My guess is that they are hoping to get parents to believe that allowing their children to believe in Santa is against their Christian religion. That and the fact that children who can read the billboards will then ask mom and dad if it is true, forcing the parents to either lie or end the childhood fantasy.
As for the sub teacher she needs to lose her license to teach IMO. She is not in the class room to offer her religious opinion about anything. She is there to follow the curriculum for that day's teaching and keep her personal opinions to herself. If she was a member of the "flat earth society" would she be allowed to veer from the study material of geography to teach that the earth is flat? The woman has no business teaching.
Years ago a minister that I liked very much would say " Would you rather be right or be happy", she was talking about arguments between friends or family about things that really don't matter, nearly as much as the love and cooperation between people. Maybe Santa as he is portrayed in "The Night Before Christmas" is a myth, so what? Does it make children happy to go through the Christmas ritual? You bet it does. If Christmas is not about making kids happy, what is it really about?
Proud member of the reality based community.
I think you argue well for
I think you argue well for Santa, and joy in general. The problem is that is exactly what they want us to do: get in a conversation about this. Religious Fundamentalists however will not be in the conversation as they will be speaking to the little kids behind the parents backs.
This is SO different than Separation of Church and State yet I know where they are headed. This reminds me of the Intelligent Design bullshit. It is neither Religion nor Science.
Bravo, Di!
You make an excellent argument for Santa,
the joys of childhood and what is
appropriate teaching methodology.
You should be a member of a school board.
We need more people like you in the administrative
ranks of education!
This is ridiculous!
Don't they have anything better to do
than bash the dreams of children?
They belong to the
Harmony Christian Fellowship.?
Where's the "harmony"?
Ummm(bad joke coming warning), I thought...
harmony, a corn product, came in a can.
LOL !
LOL !