Marriage, Divorce, and the Presidency 

Marriage as an institution prevails in this country, though more than half of our marriages end in divorce. That sad outcome is far more likely when the chemistry of falling in love clouds our attention to compatibility, loyalty, and a shared vision of life.

Yet we hear people speaking of the current presidential candidates and their running mates in similar terms. Some are won over by Obama’s freshness; others admire McCain’s endurance as a POW. Some like Joe Biden’s naturalness, while others prefer Sarah Palin’s folksy style.

Uh-oh! The more people fall in love without thinking logically, the more likely it is that we will face disaster when reality hits the fan. The presidential race offers our country the possibility of a successful partnership. But if voters choose without truly examining the candidates, we could face four to eight more unhappy, hazardous years. So consider these personal qualities before choosing your match.  

 Psychological health: Many observers have noted that Obama’s body language and communication style indicate openness and an even temper. He appears to take a deliberate approach to decision-making. Some interpret McCain’s erratic movements, difficulty tolerating others’ views, and quickness to anger as indications of both his nature and the effects of past stress.  

Personal commitments: McCain left his first wife by having an affair with Cindy, who he then married. While he lives mostly in Washington, she lives in Arizona, where she and a nanny raised their children and she battled drug addiction without her husband’s knowledge. McCain has demonstrated no commitment to religious activity but, per the New York Times, is committed to gambling regularly in Las Vegas. Obama, who married 18 years ago, lives mostly with his wife and two daughters in Illinois, has long been active in his religious community, and is engaged in a day-to-day marriage and parenthood. Thus far, no scandals or bad habits cloud his commitments.

 Honesty: Both candidates have twisted facts about their opponent (see www.factcheck.org and “The Fact-Checker” at www.blog.washingtonpost.com), and both have aired negative ads. But the McCain campaign has distinguished itself with astounding dishonesty. Consider how Obama’s serving on nonprofit boards and sharing a neighborhood with Ayers, who committed illegal acts nearly forty years ago, has become these lines on a new RNC mailer: “Terrorists don’t care who they hurt . . . Barack Obama. Not who you think he is.” Drumming up fears of the “other” to win an election is extremely dangerous. This win-at-any-cost approach belies McCain’s claim to putting country first. 

Money matters: Who knows how to live on a budget, someone with a senator’s upper-middle-class salary and a wife who has left paying work to care for their kids, or someone living on that salary plus his wife’s estimated $100 million in holdings, jetting among seven houses, with a private cell-phone tower and the extraordinary trappings of luxury at every turn? Who would better understand working families and know that we are a nation of hard-working people, not “a nation of whiners”? McCain’s senior economic advisor, Phil Gramm, said that. While a senator, Gramm played a huge role in creating our current economic disaster.

 Decision-making style: McCain’s choice of Palin was suddenly made and shocking to many. Obama’s choice of Biden was carefully pondered and not shocking. McCain’s quick pick has already plastered the newspapers with ethical scandals, not only from her work as mayor and governor: Witness the use of $150K of contributions to the RNC for her clothing, hair, and make-up in September—and this from someone who claims passionately to oppose frivolous spending, despite having sought $750 million dollars in earmarks for Alaska. Her lack of knowledge and doublespeak have led many leading conservatives to look bleakly on McCain and to endorse Obama, whose temperament they consider more suitable to a world leader.  Physical health: Will our president live through his term? Clearly Obama leads in this area, demonstrating vital health and youth in the face of McCain’s battle with virulent skin cancers and advancing age. If we don’t want McCain’s vice president running the country—if we prefer a tolerant America—this factor should figure enormously in our choice. 

Voters, please choose carefully. If we pick a partner based on chemistry alone, our own lives will suffer. If we choose a president and a vice president with only those gut-level impulses, the lives of nearly every person on the planet will be affected.

Janet Benton, M.F.A., and Susan Karol Martel, Ed.M.

 Martel and Benton are mothers, authors, and concerned citizens. They have recently formed Writers for Our Common Good and can be reached at ForOurCommonGood@aol.com.