The book, “Duck,” The Dick Cheney Survival Bible by Gene Stone is loaded with facts that can be substantiated. It is set up to be somewhat comical, but it’s no laughing matter.

Here is a joke from the book, but jokes aren’t true. This is so true…

The devil visited Dick Cheney’s office with an offer, “If you want to make a deal, I can do anything you want me to do,” he said. “I can make you president for life. I can make Halliburton the richest company on earth. I can guarantee that you will live to be one hundred and fifty and be healthy the entire time. I can give you anything you want.”

“All I ask in return is for your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, and your grandchildren’s souls to rot in hell for all eternity.”

Dick thought it over carefully. Then asked, “But what’s the catch?”

My personal favorite from “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”

“But all kidding aside, and in fairness to Dick Cheney, every five years he has to shed innocent blood or he violates is deal with the devil.”

By getting rid of Dick Cheney, we can save President Bush, the Republicans, the Democrats our globally ruined reputation and the people of this country. With 100 hours already wasted, we do not have time for impeachment proceedings. Personally, I would like to see him thrown face first into the sidewalk outside the fence of the White House. Why should he be allowed constitutional rights when he has disrespected it like no other in our nation’s history?

I say, we make him resign – and allocate in front of the whole world. None of the Rumsfeld nonsense that he gets to save face too. We need something to bring to the world stage to exonerate ourselves and this is all we have – because essentially ignoring Cheney is all we have done wrong!

He must do both – resign and allocate publicly or it will be absolutely worth it for our future sovereignty to start the impeachment process. Part of me almost hopes he doesn’t abide so we can. Once he is impeached, we have every right under the law to then bring criminal and civil charges against him.

Technically, Bill Clinton didn’t get impeached but Cheney is a whole different ball game. The majority is Democrats. The minority has to know by now they have been betrayed by Cheney, worse than any other group. Aren’t Republicans at all upset with him that if you do not do what I am telling you to do now – it will take your party three decades to recover, if you ever will? Denny Hastert is my congressman. I am a true Democrat, one who identifies with a party that steps up for the little guy who has been taken advantage of. I do not care if Hastert is a Republican or what I have uncovered about Denny – it is all chump change compared to Cheney. Hastert is a scapegoat and I will not stand for it.

Someone up there is looking out for us. That’s the good thing about God – He still helps you even when you do not deserve it. He is even opening the doors for us, be we are too blinded by our hatred of the opposite party to even pass the thresholds.

First, Bush got rid of Rumsfeld after the elections. At first I thought it was because he wanted the Dems to take the fall for the war. In hindsight, Bush did it on purpose for the balance of power that desperately needs to be met. Politically, the best thing Democrats can do is say it, whether you believe it or even if it isn’t true. How many times have all of you lied? Why not try lying for the betterment of the people? It will show unity and ducks follow their leaders.

The timing of Gerald Ford’s death was no accident. This is the best gift from God we have gotten thus far, God rest Ford’s soul. When a former president dies, no matter what he has or hasn’t done, they are put on a pedestal and admired. In Ford’s case, he really was.

Do you know what Cheney did during Ford’s administration? The Halloween Massacre. He and Donald Rumsfeld plotted and got rid of some cabinet members. They wanted Kissinger out the most. Then Cheney took White House Chief of Staff and Rumsfeld moved up to Secretary of Defense (we never learn do we?). Kissinger was head if the National Security Council and lost that too. Rumsfeld and Cheney put a new man in as CIA director – George H.W. Bush.

In the Reagan administration Cheney was no better. He played an intricate role in covering up the Iran-Contra affair. When the first Bush became president, Cheney was even worse. This is where “The Project for the New American Century” comes in. The Mien Kamf of America. Powell had his hands in the rough draft, but when Powell left to serve the military overseas – God forbid Mr. “Tough” Cheney should ever get his hands dirtied with that – Cheney rewrote it even more deviant than it was, “Operation Scorpion.” He went behind Powell’s back and took it to Bush Sr, who told him to get lost.

The General in charge of The Gulf War, Norman Schwarzkopf was livid when he found out about it. In his memoir he said of Cheney, “Put a civilian in charge of professional military men and before long he’s no longer satisfied with setting policy, but wants to outgeneral the generals.” Let’s get this guy signed up on the physic hotline.

Man would I love to get the gag ordered that Cheney has obviously put on Powell removed. Too bad we have allowed VP Cheney to be the first one in U.S. history the right to classify documents. He exercises that right only on his own and some – like John McCain - to hold over their heads. Whatever Cheney – McCain making mistakes in combat is better than a chicken shit deferment whore like you!

Cheney set the precedent for this type of language when he told Leahy to “Go fuck himself” right on the senate floor of the most powerful country in the world. We have every right to ask why Cheney gets over 160K a year in deferments (this is his middle name I guess, his first name is certainly right on) from Halliburton. How much does he reportedly have in stock – 18 million? I bet its way more than that now.

Is Halliburton building the American Embassy in Iraq that is ten times larger than Hussein’s palace grounds? Meanwhile, the Iraqi people cannot get electricity for more than three hours per day on average. This is no surprise, look at what happened to Katrina victims? They do not even care about their own citizens.

Didn’t he make up the phrase “smoking gun?” Let’s use it on him. What goes around comes around. He had no-bid contractor Halliburton draw up the post war plans for Iraq before he even asked any of you if he could go to war. It is part of the reason that he wanted his energy policy classified and why some of it still is. He had maps of Iraq before 9/11. Impeachment is valid for treason, check. Bribery, check. Other high crimes and misdemeanors, check, check check, check, check etc.

Guess who speaks from the grave to save the day once again? The debate over what exactly high crimes and misdemeanors falls under is simple:

“Whatever the majority of the House of Representatives consider it to be at any given moment in history.” Gerald Ford.

It is also God stepping in and making sure the Democrats were too partisan to act first as they should have. Initially, this enraged me, but it was a blessing in disguise. It forces Democrats and Republicans to unite and do it together – together with the people of this great nation. If we do not start working with each other, we will both lose everything.

There is no such thing as an independent – these are just people that are mad at their party and want to prove it. I even said it during the mid-term elections when Hastert’s opponent and I had words because I thought he was being too soft. Well, I had words.

However, the Green Party has made it to the ballot – this is bad. Left and right are both bad. The Christian right will be starting theirs soon too – believe it. This will be five parties including independent that are on the ballot. No democracy has ever survived it in history. The two party system is the best one- and I will not let you guys blow it! Grow up and start talking to each other!

I am not that smart, I am only a high school graduate from a poor urban school system. I just am so eager to listen to both sides and take it all in like a sponge. That is how I know all that I know. It works. It is black and white. Not gray like the Dems say and not the white lies of the Republicans. It’s black and white like a zebra. With many stripes and dimensions. Complex, but still black and white none the less.

Okay, so let’s pretend Dick Cheney is at rehab with Foley for his proclaimed alcohol abuse to explain his actions. Now what?

Easy. If we serve him up and tell the world we are sorry they will forgive us. They do not hate us yet, they hate George Bush. If we tell them the truth they will hate its rightful owner, Dick Cheney. They already know we do not know anything and pity us more than anything else.

We throw a curve ball. Guess what morons? We’re still sending more troops to Iraq and this time the people of this country back us in doing so. Don’t fear Pelosi being VP, they have no power and after all of the Cheney mess things will go back to normal.

Bush’s approval rating will be at 90%. The ten percent will be the left and right who are total psychos anyway. You cannot make everyone happy but I do not have any intention of making them happy because they are both WRONG.

So, we allocate with Cheney as our animal sacrifice. Hopefully he will rat out some more of them too for bonus points. Either way – President Bush must be given total immunity for the plan to work. No one’s beat up Bush more than I have, please trust me.

We start talking to the U.N. before our troops even land. We tell them all we are doing is securing Iraq – they need to come in. What a joke that we can train Iraq to govern themselves guys – Iran is all over it. We are honest about this with the U.N.. They may not like us, but if they think the world would be a better place with Iran in power, they are nuts. (No one thinks that!)

Please refer to the previous letter I emailed many of you about Iran and the Palestinian excuse. It’s preposterous and we can prove it.

While we are talking with The U.N. we still cover our asses in case they do not act – which they won’t. We secretly talk to Israel. Now, right now, they are pissed off at us because Condi Rice has been giving weapons and supplies to Fattah in Palestine to combat Hammas. Are we really fighting terrorists by giving weapons to the suicide bombers of Palestine? The plot thickens! Hammas already stole some and the rumor is these were the supplies used to kidnap and kill our military personnel last week in U.S. uniform with U.S. weaponry. This administration is totally clueless!

So, we secretly tell the Israelis we are pulling out once we secure Baghdad. The U.N. will still sit there idly. When we leave we tell them to go into Iran and destroy their nukes and their oil fields. The U.N. will still sit there idly. Then, if Iran is still screwing around they go to Iraq and blow up those oil fields. The Israelis will keep going, but I think at this point the rest of the countries will be begging for us to come back, and the Israelis have to stop when they do. Except for the first time in decades – WE WILL BE INVITED!!! This is a victory folks!

Bush and friends may not like this plan but they can go along with it or they can share a room with Dick Cheney. If it has to go that far – then we can set them all up at Abu Graib and see if they all still think throwing water on prisoners is a “No brainier.”

Hey, we don’t use Iraq oil- we just want to control it. If there is none to control then we don’t have to worry about it anymore. It may seem cold but it is the only solution and the right solution. Have them sound off alarms in all the facilities before Israelis kill them so there are no human casualties. The oil will be the death of the Middle East in the end anyway.

On the home front, we need to also start and finish the energy race as secret as the Manhattan Project. The left’s abortion for votes tactic is global warming. No doubt it is bad, but so is abortion and I purposely do not vote for any Republican candidate who exploits it for votes. Being pro-life, it makes me sick!

Still, you have to pay attention folks – you have to listen to all sides. France is having a conference about global warming this week. If we do not win that energy race – they will. There is not a doubt in my mind that they have already started it. Remember when Reagan ignored AIDS because at first only gay people were getting it? He put the money in too late – France beat us to the punch with it. We fought in court for how may years over who discovered it?

This was a sad illness – when France does this with energy– they will be a world power. They will control China, not the other way around. And the two of them will control us. It will be our own fault for not rereading “The Tortoise and the Hare.” Man – we are always a day late and a dollar short because we are so immature and arrogant. Where are our guts?????????

LET’S GO TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!