Politico's top Republicans, Jim VandeHei and Mike Allen, tried to come up with a plan to save the Republican Party - and basically came up empty.

1. Get a clue: Republicans need to focus on cutting taxes, slashing spending and rediscovering their edge on national security matters. More important, they need to jump ahead of Democrats in thinking anew about entitlement programs, health care, technological innovation, global trade and new energy plans.

They had 12 years under Newt Gingrich and George Bush to come up with brilliant policies that worked - and every policy they proposed was a disaster. What's going to change now?

2. Cut the crap: Republicans are dominating Democrats in one area right now: humiliating sex scandals. If former Rep. Mark Foley isn’t e-mailing young male pages or Sen. Larry Craig isn’t playing footsie in the bathroom, then Rep. Vito J. Fossella’s getting busted driving drunk and then admitting he fathered a love child. You can’t run on family values when you don’t practice them. 

"Vino" Fossella is running again, despite howls from fellow Republicans. Larry Craig is still in the Senate, along with the unmentioned David Vitter. If Republicans can't get rid of guys like this, who will they get rid of?

3. Beg for help: the party must fortify intellectual think tanks, establish new activist groups and get a clue about using the Internet to rally its forces. The GOP also needs to fund programs to train young Republican candidates and activists.

The Heritage Foundation and AEI are already as fortified as think tanks can get. Activist groups are different - you need dedicated activists, not a-holes, and all the good activists are progressives. Morton Blackwell's infamous Leadership Institute has trained tens of thousands of conservative activists, but he trained them in thuggery.

4. Burn the Bush: There is something honorable about loyalty. But taken too far, it can start to look downright loony to voters. President Bush is as unpopular as Richard Nixon was in the days before his resignation. Cut him loose — quick, says Rep. Tom Davis (R-Va.).

Good luck with that - after goosestepping behind Bush for 7.5 years, no one is going to take them seriously if they claim to "cut him loose."

5. Change the pitch — and your face: The image of the white men’s club needs to go, too, says Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty. “The country is changing. The Republican Party has to have a message that reflects faces and voices of America. We have to do a better job of recruiting women candidates, candidates of color and diversity.”

Good idea! Why not run Condi for Veep and watch McCain-Rice lose 50 states :)

6. Fan the fear: Ignore the critics, Republican wise men say — there is still no better way to win than to stir up concerns about Democratic patriotism and their commitment to national security and killing terrorists. It often remains the best call in the GOP playbook, especially with McCain atop the ticket.

Republican officials privately urge lawmakers to whack their opponents whenever they can for worrying more about coddling terrorist suspects than condemning them, failing to support U.S. troops, exhibiting weakness in dealing with dictators, and rushing to a quick Iraq exit that could put U.S. servicemen and women at risk. Polls still show GOP strength on national security and fighting terrorism — at least when compared with their lousy numbers on domestic issues.

At last - when push comes to shove, the only card Republicans have to play is fear.

A party whose only reason for existence is to "fan the fear" is a party that belongs on the ashheap of history.